Thursday, December 26, 2013
The passing of a legend
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Insomnia
G
Friday, December 13, 2013
Birthday Issues...
G
Thursday, December 5, 2013
The Lady and The Tramp...
G
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
I'm going to be an asshole.
Ok. I am sick to death of seeing these 8-minute solos where the performer spends 5 minutes just walking around the stage with duck face, 2 minutes standing still and peeling clothes off, 30 seconds of hitting highlights in the music (that we can see coming from a mile away), and only 30 seconds of any real entertainment value. I've got news for you...anyone can do that. You shouldn't be paid for that. 80% of your content is boring the hell out of the audience. They're just waiting for you to get naked already. NO ONE is that interesting...especially if every other routine in the show looks just like it. It feels phoned in and self-indulgent. Don't get me wrong...I ADORE an over the top classic costume. But if that's all you can offer? I'm not saying you have to do back flips, and I understand that not everyone has my dance background, but do SOMETHING! ENTERTAIN ME! Make me laugh. Make me gasp. Make me weep. Make me hold my breath. But for the love of Stripper Jesus....do SOMETHING.
G
Monday, December 2, 2013
Thanks for the medical advice, but....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spondylolysis
G
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Bring on the crazy emails
G
Sunday, November 24, 2013
You get what you pay for.
Pay varies based on each number, but the most we get per number is $50 for a solo, and anywhere from $10-$30 per group number. So in order for us to recoup the cost of the costuming for a solo usually takes 3-4 times of dancing it just to break even, and group numbers (depending on the amount of girls dancing in it) takes us dancing it 10-15 times to recoup the cost to produce it. The advantages of having 11-15 girls on staff are great: We can put on longer shows with a LOT more variety, and have the capability for big Vegas-style group numbers. But it costs a LOT more money to run a group this size, and we'd hate to ever have to cut back on the amount of performers we hire!!!!
Total cost for costuming for a closing number at Bogart's? $1200. For 4 minutes. For one number. Yup.
G
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Pay it forward, Motherfuckers.
G
Thursday, November 21, 2013
The secret of my success...
I spoke to a small business owner the other day who was heart-broken that their business wasn't able to support them financially. They then proceeded to tell me that they were taking two days off a week...one of which is their biggest day for business. Ummmm....what? As a business owner, you MUST work 7 days a week for many years. You MUST pay your staff and bills on time. You MUST put in many hours of "unpaid" time to market and organize your business. You MUST determine where your money is best spent. You MUST be a hard-ass when it counts. You MUST lay out clear expectations for both your staff and your clients. You MUST treat your staff like gold, because without them you're nothing. And you MUST deliver what you promise EVERY time.
I think the key to success is hard work. I don't get "set" time off! That's what happens when you open a business...you're constantly on the clock. I have a serious problem with business owners that pass the buck. When something, ANYTHING goes wrong with my business, it's on ME. If my employees fuck up, I take the heat and give them a warning. They do it again...they're gone. But it all comes back to personal responsibility. I have a contract that my employees sign every year in which (amongst MANY other things) it states that they are to check their emails daily. Turns out...they don't. So when I send them an important email, I follow it up with a text letting them know. It is MY responsibility (as it is MY business) to make sure they know what their jobs are, what is expected of them, and give them the tools to succeed. If they screw something up, that is a reflection on ME, MY business, and MY training! I also don't EVER ask them to do things that I won't do. As the owner, it is MY job to do the "un-fun" and "un-glam" stuff, so that they can do their jobs. When my staff shines, I shine. I work my ass off for them, and they work their asses off for me.
There are a lot of "starving artists" out there for a reason. The reason is threefold: 1.) They're not good enough at what they do to earn a living at it, and should instead pursue it as a hobby. 2.) They're talented, but they struggle to market themselves and run a business. 3.) They're unprofessional, and think they can get by with their behavior because they're "an artist". If you are late to gigs, unprepared, don't show up when you say you will, don't deliver what you promise, carry yourself unprofessionally, do it for free for your buddies (with no return on your business), discount your pricing, copy other peoples work, don't run it like a business, don't invest in your craft and business, party with your patrons, THEN YOU WILL NEVER EARN A LIVING AS AN ARTIST!!!! Just because it's a "fun" job, doesn't mean you can treat it like playtime.
G
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Group routines...Difficult, but worth it.
G
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
You betta recognize!
I have mixed feelings about being recognized. It's fine when I'm out to dinner or having a cocktail...I'm usually prepared for it, especially if I'm downtown or in northern Kentucky. I'm way LESS prepared when one of my fitness clients asks her hairstylist for a cut like mine, and the stylist knows who I am just based on THAT alone and "outs" me to the client , and then the client begins coming to shows. And even worse is when I'm out running errands after teaching a cardio class and people want to come over and hug me. ICK. Poor peeps...they'll never see me the same way again. They'll only picture me as sweaty and stinky and scary.
In general I adore meeting Cin City fans. But I'm lucky I can even remember my own name...let alone someone else's . I hate disappointing people if I don't immediately recognize them or remember the details of how we met. Hell...I still can't remember half of my employees names. Half the time I make out their checks to "Blondie McBlonderson" and "Tits McGee"...so cut me some slack.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
A word on girlfriends
My girlfriends are amazing. They make me laugh, they challenge me, they support me unconditionally, and they call me out when I need it. I am certainly a better woman today by surrounding myself with these women. There is no cattiness, no jealousy, no backstabbing. If we have a problem, we lay it on the table. We've fought, we've cried...we've gotten over it. That's what you do with sisters. They're right there behind me when I need a push, in front of me when I'm lost, and right beside me when I need a hand to hold. I'd give a kidney to any one of them.
It happens gradually. You don't really notice it at first. Then you're finishing each other's sentences, and buying each other stupid gifts because you know it would make them laugh. You wear each others clothes and use each other's tupperware to the point that you forget whose is whose. You become so intertwined in each others lives that people start mistaking you for one another in public, even though you look absolutely nothing alike.
I think it can be summed up as such:
Game night. Boys versus Girls (of course). Charades. Boys give me the movie "Debbie Does Dallas" hoping for a show, and to try and earn a point (they're getting crushed). I look Sassy in the eyes, tell her to "Sync up", do the "movie" symbol and hold up 3 fingers. She screams "Debbie Does Dallas!" in under a second, and all the girls fall to the floor in a laughing/crying pile of victory while the boys gape at the amazing display of soul mate success.
G
Friday, November 15, 2013
Backstage Bedlam - What REALLY goes on back stage
Most of our "dressing rooms" are dirty, freezing cold or 900 degrees, tiny and lacking mirrors of any sort. We change in green rooms, bathrooms, offices and storage closets. The floors are sticky. There's nowhere to put costuming down. There's rarely heat or A/C. And we're all right on top of each other. You have to be SUPER organized, tolerant and flexible. A sense of humor helps tremendously.
We usually have to bring our own full-length mirror for costume checks, and hand-held mirrors to touch up makeup. The lighting is always crappy...you come with your hair and makeup DONE.
We usually walk into a gig wearing comfortable shoes (your feet will be miserable the rest of the night), yoga pants (something loose that won't leave marks) and track jackets (something zip-front so you don't ruin your hair or face changing) with nude "safety g-string" underneath (this goes under your costuming and is taped down right before you hit the stage and right AFTER you've peed).
Once we get our costuming laid out in order and pre-load our pasties with tape, we stretch and walk through choreography. We put props in order with the stagehands. We mic check and sound check. If it's a venue that's new to us we check out the stage. We take Tylenol. We drink water. We eat bananas. We have one (and ONLY one) cocktail. Then you dress in your first costume and put your robe over it. Double check the set list. Kiss each other and pump each other up. Then it's off we go.
I wish I could paint pretty pictures for you of glitz and glamour, feathers and flowers, chandeliers and champagne....but there it is.
G
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
What do you call a stripper who spends all of her earnings on costumes? A burlesque dancer.
G
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Let me tell you why 2012 sucked a dick...
The year started well. Hubby and I went and spent two weeks in Bora Bora (which I HIGHLY recommend), the girls' bookings went well while I was gone, and the dogs behaved for the sitter. But right after we returned, we lost a Hammerhead (one of our boylesque performers and hubby's closest friend) suddenly in a car wreck. He was cut off on the highway. They never found the person who did it. Just as our little family was recovering from the loss my soul sister and CCB co-founder, Sassy Frass, suffered a brain aneurysm. She underwent 2 surgeries, and spent more than a month in the ICU. It was a long, slow , painful recovery, but recover she did. No sooner had we gotten her to the point that she was driving herself to work again than my father was in the ICU with his very own crash cart next to his bed. A prostate biopsy caused an infection that quickly became septic. After 3 days of trying to stabilize him, he was given the cancer diagnosis. He spent Christmas in the hospital, and got out just in time for New Years.
So our annual New Years celebration accomplished several things:
1.) We celebrated Chris' lust for life, and cried over our loss of him.
2.) We all hugged Sassy and dad a little tighter.
3.) We all made clear how much we loved and cherished each other.
4.) We sent out 2012 with a resounding "Fuck You!"
Lessons we learned? Tell people you love them. Don't hold grudges. And time is the most precious gift you can give one another.
G
Monday, November 11, 2013
Some things you may not know about me....
Saturday, November 9, 2013
What do you mean, I'm naked?
that tiny bit of material, it suddenly becomes taboo? Why is our first instinct to try and cover ourselves and giggle like school girls? So I say to you... that tiny slip of material fools no one. We know what's under it, and sport the same bits. By aggressively trying to cover your pink bits you only draw attention to it. The second we stop feeling shame associated with the nude form is the second we are truly free.
G.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
A word on performer etiquette...according to yours truly.
G
Monday, November 4, 2013
I'm first and foremost a teacher
G
G
Sunday, November 3, 2013
"Certain age" makeup...
Moisturize. Always. With an added SPF. Invest in a REALLY good primer. It smooths out pores and lines and helps set your foundation. Also invest in a high quality concealer. I happen to love Makeup Forever...it's $30 a tube, but covers anything, stays put, and lasts for years. Use softer colors. It speaks to youth. And an eyelash curler and mascara will solve just about anything.
I'll get more specific with makeup in later posts.
G
Friday, November 1, 2013
Take It on the Chin - Adventures in Snarky Audience Members
I originally wrote this in June of 2013 after a small night club show consisting solely of solos...but I thought I'd share it again.
Sooooo....we had SUCH an amazing audience last night! I got to meet SOOOO many awesome women last night (and even a few good guys too). We had a TON of new audience members that were SO lovely and friendly and incredibly sweet. We had an AMAZING group of ladies out celebrating a birthday who insisted on buying us drinks. We met two LOVELY girls from Nashville who raved about how this had been their favorite part of their trip. I've said it time and time again...our female audience members are the ones we play to. All I ever want from a show is that a woman looks at herself, and other women, in a new light. I hope that when she leaves, she loves herself and her body a little bit more.
But apparently there was a detractor in the audience who rolled her eyes, made nasty little comments, and was trying desperately to draw other audience members into her little hate spiral. Little did she know, at the table she kept trying to draw in sat one of my kick-ass female stage hands (a.k.a. Ninjas or Bitch Monkeys), the guy that runs my merch booth, and my husband. As told to me via these three very trusted peeps, she would continuously turn to them, roll her eyes, and say, "This is the WORST burlesque show I've ever seen." They, being class acts, would just smile back at her. After my second solo, which includes a high fan kick, side tango lunges to the floor, a double spiral turn and a stag leap (all in 4-inch heels), my husband felt the need to respond to said woman: "Lady if you can do any of that I'll give you my house." To which she responded, "Oh. Well....I don't dance."
When the girls and I came out into the audience after the show, my hubby and comrades were FUMING mad. In fact, he continues bringing it up this morning. My girls and I, however, just shrugged. "Eh. We're not for everyone." We know, after doing this for years, that 1) Not everyone is going to get it. 2) Not everyone is going to like it. 3) Some people are just easily offended. 4) People think we are trying to turn on their significant other and get jealous and possessive. (Trust me, we're not.) 5) A lot of times people project their own insecurities on you. 6) A lot of women don't like to see other women succeed. We didn't get upset, we didn't confront the woman in any way (who, weirdly enough, came into the show quite intentionally, and stayed until 2:00 a.m.), and we didn't try to make her feel uncomfortable. She has her own hangups...there's no reason to add to it.
The following quote is from my Ignite Cincinnati speech earlier this month:
"You have to be able to take it on the chin. You're putting both your art AND your body out there. You're going to have critics at every single show. Some of them won't get it. Some of them will not like it. And some of them will have insecurities that they'll project onto you. People can be snarky, cruel and just downright mean. You have to realize you're not everyone's cup of tea, and don't take it personally."
I think it's a good lesson to learn in life. Frequently when people are nasty it has nothing to do with you. Usually it's about them. Think about that before you react to it. They're already having a bad day...try not to add to it by allowing them to bait you into a confrontation.
G
Thursday, October 31, 2013
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard....sale.
That being said, it's time for us to try and raise some funds for costuming for the 2014 season. Each girl is responsible for both a nude and black pair of dance heels, which average about $80 a pair (for cheap ones!). They are also in need of some costuming basics here and there (fishnets, basic bras and panties). The company covers all of the "add-ons", such as sequins, rhinestones, fringe and feathers, as well as the bigger props: chairs ($20 each), tables ($100), boas ($80 each) and feather fans ($300 per pair). The girls are planning a trip up to Columbus on November 23rd to replace any dance shoes and jewelry that is beyond repair, and they're trying to raise the cash for those things via selling off clothing, costuming, electronics, home wares and baked goods during one crazy afternoon. We'll also have a few things up for silent auction as well, such as a workshop, and a 10-class Pump & Grind punch card, be taking pre-orders for the 2014 calendar (at a discounted rate!), and selling tickets for Seasons Teasings at Bogart's (without the online or day of show fees!). Between now and then we'll be posting pics on the event page of just a few of the big ticket items that will be up for grabs that day. If you're interested in any of the items but don't want to wait for the sale (we've already sold and shipped 4 large-ticket items!) , then you can contact us via the event page or by emailing us at cincityburlesque@gmail.com.
https://www.facebook.com/events/519710461439134/
G
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
So you think you can CCB - UPDATED on 1/14/14
*****And then there was this posted in response. It made me happy.
http://www.reddit.com/r/cincinnati/comments/1pm7lz/think_that_your_boss_is_an_evil_demon_from_hell/
:
We've been fielding SOOOO many inquiries about this, we thought we'd create an event page and send you here. In order to be considered for audition, you'll need to fill out an application and submit a dance resume and headshots. We are only looking for folks between the ages of 22-32 (yes, we're accepting men as well!) with 5 or more current, consecutive years of dance experience, with up-to-date training (No, that tap class you took for 3 months when you were 5 does NOT count, nor can you claim you have 20 years of tap experience with it!) If we accept your application, we'll send you a contract that will lay out expectations that you'd have to sign before you audition. Then auditions will consist of learning 4 8- counts of choreography and performing it in small groups in front of a judging panel. YOU ARE EXPECTED TO HAVE SEEN AT LEAST ONE SHOW BEFORE YOU AUDITION....YOU WILL BE QUIZZED ABOUT IT!!!!
Still think you want to audition? Read this CAREFULLY. You'll need to send a proper email (remember...you're applying for a job, not sending a text to your friend) stating so: CinCityBurlesque@gmail.com |
Monday, October 28, 2013
It's hell getting old.
G
Sunday, October 27, 2013
"I love dance!!!!"
This morning was pretty excellent. But let me back up.
After the last big show at Bogart's in September, I held auditions for CCB. EVERYONE had to try out...including girls that have been with me for years. I did this for a few reasons: 1.) I need to constantly re-evaluate. 2.) I need to keep the girls on their toes. 3.) It's the fair way to do it. I had a panel of 4 judges including myself. EVERYTHING was put to a vote. If I was outvoted 3-1, then I went with the majority. I lost one girl outright, and two more became soloists. I also picked up one of my original dancers, and a brand new girl. After all of that, we started working on Seasons Teasings for December 7th at the beginning of October. We had 3 group routines, as well as two duets and a bunch of new solos. I was beginning to freak out that we weren't going to get it together to my crazy-high standards in time, but my girls proved me wrong this morning.
The solos were genius. The group numbers were clean. And I didn't flip a table.
Cinnamon, during a moment of pure glee at the end of the closing number (that we had NAILED), squealed "I LOVE DANCE!". It made me ridiculously happy. We all do this for the love of dance and performance. But sometimes in the shuffle we lose the joy. It was nice to be reminded of how much FUN it can be. Then following the most excellent rehearsal, I taught a Pump & Grind class. I sweat. I shook. I danced my ass off. It felt gooooood.
G