Good Gawd I'm Lucky

The scramble of a burlesque performer's life generally revolves around securing enough bookings to pay for their costuming.  Straight up.  A lucky few break even.  A smaller percentage make a little extra pocket money after that debt is paid.  The tiniest percentage earn a living at it, and at it alone.  I'm somewhere in between the last two.  I'm always in the black, and can afford some niceties. If I never wanted to see my husband, I could likely do it full time and earn a decent living.  But that was never my goal.  I always knew I wanted to form a troupe, choreograph incredible group numbers, teach workshops, mentor my cast members, and produce.  The performing is nice and all, but a body can only take so much.  As I embark on my final year on stage (unless I'm offered some sort of ridiculous amount of money), I reflect on what a whirlwind my performing career has been. I've performed in bars, drag clubs, breweries, event venues, hotel ballrooms, museums, church halls, dance studios, concert halls and even an arena. I've met and shared the stage with countless incredible performers, and have been in awe of their talent, their indelible spirits, and their love.  This life has garnered friendships that I would never have had otherwise, and for that I am ridiculously grateful.  Here's a big secret:  I owe a TON of my success to just a few specific things:

1) Treating it like a business at all times, and at all costs.
2) Having an INCREDIBLY supportive husband and family.
3) Being fronted by AMAZING women and men that work their asses off for me both on stage as well as off.
4) LIVE NATION.

Yes.  I said it.  Live Nation.  In 2012 I fielded a phone call from the then manager at Bogart's Karen Foley.  She wanted to book my little troupe at the historic venue.  I was thrilled, and also filled with trepidation.  That stage has hosted U2, The Red Hot Chili Peppers... COUNTLESS iconic bands and performers.  But the last time I had been in the venue was in 1995.  I remember it being dark, sticky, and a little run down.  She assured me that Live Nation had picked up the venue, and that big changes were happening.  She took a gamble on us, and we reciprocated.  And boy, was she right.  The venue got a face lift, as well as the surrounding area. I can't tell you what an incredible gift it has been for my company.  We are INCREDIBLY lucky to work with such a great staff...everyone from management, to tech, to box office.  It has given us a venue with a stage large enough to support or big group productions, and enough seating to accommodate shows up to 500 folks.  It's allowed us to properly film our productions.  Thanks to our videographer Justin Nieves, we have polished, lovely film out in the world to promote.  Our YouTube channel has seen over 1 million views in the last year alone.  Thanks to Live Nation, we've also been picked up by our incredible sponsors over at Hustler Hollywood.  We've been SO excited to see the company expanding the brand, particularly reaching out to women, which has always been our M.O.  The exposure we've received by working with Live Nation has made booking a breeze.  I've always had the mindset that if you do good work, the bookings will come to you.  You don't have to go out and hound venues and producers for them.  This has certainly been the case for us.  It has been SUCH a gift.

As I sit here typing this I'm blathering like an idiot.  We've booked more gigs this year already than we did our first three years in existence.  I've booked three gigs in the last two days alone...all of which have come to us.  I've met incredible movers and shakers all over the Queen City...business owners, big wigs, head honchos...but I'm most grateful for meeting our incredible fans that I am lucky enough to get to meet.  You folks have absolutely no idea how much our interactions stick with me.  Your cards, your letters, your pictures, your hugs and kisses, and your stories of how much our shows and workshops have meant to you.  How they've empowered you.  How you've met your "tribe" with us.  How you view your body, and other people's bodies.  I am so so thankful.  It is so much more than I could ever deserve.

Love,
G

It's been 5 years...

I just got a little misty-eyed driving to the studio. I was thinking back to the first show Cin City Burlesque produced 5 years ago...it was in a tiny little studio with maybe 25 people there, and we danced maybe 9 numbers total. God, we have grown SO much! We have employed over 25 performers over the years, booked over 100 shows, taught over 200 women in workshops, raised over $10,000 for charities, and entertained thousands. Thank you, Cincinnati, for embracing us and making us the successful troupe we are today. Words can't describe how in awe of your support and how grateful we are every day.  We cannot WAIT to celebrate with you with some fan favorites and a brand new closing number with over 20,000 crystals at Bogart's on Saturday, June 7th.  We promise...it will be a show to remember.

G

Burlesque Show Etiquette

Many of you reading my posts have been to a burlesque show.  Some of you have not.  For those of you Noobs, lemme take a minute to school you of the do's and don'ts.
1) It is absolutely appropriate to hoot, holler, cat call and yell.  In fact, it is encouraged.  The performer feeds directly off of the audience reaction.  It's hard to keep your energy up on stage when it's crickets in the house.
2) It is never appropriate to touch the performer unsolicited.  There may be times a performer will take your hand, or have you remove a glove for them...but don't take this task upon yourself.  And if you do touch the performer, expect to be expelled forcibly from the venue.
3) Drinking is a good thing...in doses.  No performer appreciates some over-indulgent audience member becoming a jackass.
4) No.  You may not keep that discarded glove that landed in your lap.
5) Tipping the performers vary based on the venue and the performers themselves.  If tipping IS involved at a show, leave the money on the edge of the stage so as not to interrupt the performer during their routine.  Many hours of costuming and choreography went into it...don't ruin it by expecting them to drop what they've been rehearsing just to take a dollar out of your hand.
6) Come with an open mind and a sense of humor.  Expect both to be tested.
7) You will see all walks of life both on stage and off.  Be respectful to both the performers on stage as well as the audience members.
8) No. You will not be getting a lap dance.
9) Show tickets can be expensive.  Frequently props and costumes for just one number can run the girls anywhere from $200-$500...so consider a $25 ticket a bargain.
10) If you heckle the MC, expect to be heckled back.  They are quick and witty and have tongues as sharp as blades.  You will NOT win that exchange.
11) Be open to the possibility that a show will change your views on women, beauty and social issues.

Bottom line - Until you've experienced a good burlesque show, don't assume you know what you're getting into.  Some people leave after two numbers in.  Others leave with their cheeks hurting from smiling and laughter.  And a select few leave with a life-changing experience under their belts.  Which one will you be?

G

I am ridiculously bad at being hip.

Amongst certain crowds and certain areas, I'm recognizable around town.  It's the hair.  If I wore a wig or a hat no one would know who the hell I was. As it is, I can rarely even go to the damn grocery store without someone doing the raised eyebrows in recognition or yelling "Ginger!" at the top of their lungs.  The problem with this is that I'm an introvert.  I hate crowds, and dealing with a conversation of more than 2 or 3 people makes me nuts.  I'm more of a "see" than "be seen" girl.  I don't usually hang out at the trendy spots in town, and when I do I frequently regret it.  I enjoy people watching, but I'm much more of a one-on-one gal...as long as the person I'm with doesn't feel like THEY need to "be seen", then we're all good.  I'm constantly being pushed by my girls to get out and network more.  But I see some of these social climbers that are at every effing event, with 87 photobooth pictures at said event, 22 selfies posted on their Instagram, and tagging themselves and every other person they know at the location.  I just feels shallow and forced and a little strange to me. I don't know if it's my age or just my personality that causes me to cringe at this.  I just would rather be at some empty bar with a few people that I love and adore and not a camera (or phone for that matter) in sight. Otherwise it starts to feel like work...and I don't work for free.

G

Hammerheads

When we first founded CCB in 2009, we were a team of 8 trained professional dancers...5 women and 3 men. The men (The Hammerheads) were the significant others of three of the other troupe members and were all three professional ballroom dancers. Sassy and I choreographed their first number to Sixteen Tons, and outfitted them in coveralls,  hard hats with tap lights on the front,  and pretty substantial prop sledgehammers tailored to their hight. The first rehearsal was nothing short of comedic genius (Why do we not record this shit?). The boys struggled to learn our choreography for some reason.  Then we added props and costuming to deal with and it was full-on chaos. No one got frustrated or lost their sense of humor,  but it certainly did not go as smoothly as we expected.  But two months later when the boys stepped on stage for our first gig in front of a packed house it was beyond deafening.  People fell in love immediately.  For the next show we added a fourth male dancer...a talented student of one of the Hammerheads who was an incredibly animated performer. This time they did their own choreography.  Once again they had people on their feet. Over several shows, we brought in 3 other male dancers as well.  Alas, two of the guys bought dance studios, and trying to wrangle schedules for rehearsal times became too much of a challenge.  They didn't officially "disband" per se, but real life got in the way. The boys still come to shows and consistently talk of getting something together....we can only hope they'll join us back onstage at some point.  They are certainly missed.

G

No stage time for G...and here's why.

Many of you ask why I'm not on stage more during our shows.  I have several answers to that. 1) Every time I take the stage and am not backstage directing traffic the show slows down and something goes wrong. Back stage I am the traffic controller. I keep in constant communication between the sound booth, lighting,  the stage hands and curtain man, the emcee and the performers. If just one of those communications are missed between a single number then something goes wrong. The music starts early...the emcee isn't sure when the next act is ready....the curtain is still opening when the act has started...we're missing a prop...All of the components rely on the stage manager. And that would be me. 2) I always put my own numbers off until the very last second because I'm too busy putting together group and solo choreography for the rest of the girls,  cutting music and putting together the lineup,  putting together sound, lighting and stagehands directions,  gathering costuming and prop pieces, working with the venue on marketing and ticket sales, getting merchant together and pricing it out, and updating social media. My solos are the absolute LAST thing I think about.  They're such an afterthought that it's not fair to the audience OR me. 3) I'm getting too old for this shit. Everything hurts all the time and I'm losing out to gravity. It's a young woman's game,  and I no longer qualify.  4) This was ALWAYS my intention.  I never wanted to spend the rest of my days on stage. I enjoy the production end more than the performance end...I always have. My intention was always to dance a few years, build up a strong troupe,  then slowly back off stage. I have 9 other girls that would LOVE to be on stage all damn night. It's my intention to give them as much time in the spotlight that they want and deserve. My time has come and gone. I'm certainly ok with it. In fact, I'm thrilled.  I just hope everyone can be as happy for me as I am.

G

Birthday Issues...

So I haven't celebrated my birthday in 6 years.  It's a long story involving a big family blow-up and frankly not worth repeating.  Needless to say, it left me with a sour taste in my mouth.  Frankly it's never really been a big deal to begin with...being January 3rd, I was usually heading back to school or work, and it frequently got overlooked with the hustle and bustle of the holidays anyway.  But this year marks the 5th year of existence of Cin City Burlesque, and what I'm hoping to be my last year on stage (don't worry...I'll still produce, teach and choreograph!).  So I'm actually going to celebrate this year.  Saturday, January 4th at Moerlein Brewery's Tap room (it's an AMAZING space!) we're gonna do it up right.  I was going to make it an invite-only thing, but fuck it.  Come out and point out a few new lines around my eyes.

G

The Lady and The Tramp...

Tonight I get the honor and pleasure of dancing with Lola van Ella's traveling show for a second year in a row.  I SO adore this woman, and all of the wonderful performers she employs. Complete pros on stage, and complete sweethearts back stage.  Although I've been dealing with this back issue for the last week (I'm still pretty miserable), I decided that there was just no way in HELL I was going to miss the opportunity of joining them on stage again.  I can suck it up for 4 minutes.  They are at The Know Theater in Over-the-Rhine Cincinnati tonight, and again for 2 more shows on Friday.  You don't want to miss it.

G

Bring on the crazy emails

An article on City City Burlesque in one of The Queen City's most popular rags comes out today.  We're the cover story, hence a cover picture.  People are going to see a pile of naked laughing women of varying ages, shapes and sizes and have some sort of gut reaction. 1) They'll immediately look away because it will make them uncomfortable.  We've ingrained it into our brains that the human form is somehow dirty or pornographic. 2) They'll be outraged.  These will be either: a) "femenists" who think we're exploiting ourselves (and they clearly didn't read the article), or b) super-conservative Jesus-freaks who think we're going straight to hell.  3) They'll snicker and sneer because they're : a) a woman who feels threatened by other women (no, we have no interest in your man),  b) men who think we're trying to turn them on (we're not - read the damn article), or c) convinced that women should look a certain way and we don't fit that mold. 4) They'll be shocked.  But the picture will intrigue them enough to pick up the magazine and actually read the article so they know what they'er looking at. Or....5) They'll get it immediately...because they've been to a show.  Either way, I expect to be fielding emails over the next week....everything from praise to hatred.  Most I will  respond to.  I'm not going to argue with people who write hate mail...I'm clearly not going to change their minds.  I just hope they have the good sense to read the article before they hit "Send", and are not just having a gut reaction to a photo.  Either way, we've gotten what we want to say out there, and for that we'll be ever grateful to Jac Kern, Jesse Fox, and CityBeat.

G

You get what you pay for.

Someone said to us the other day, "You get what you pay for." That's true...and it's not. Some people think $85 for one girl to dance one 4-minute routine is outrageous. What you don't see: That costume cost her $85-$200 and 8-10 hours stoning, fringing, and altering it. That number was rehearsed 20-30 hours (of unpaid time, mind you) before it ever hit the stage. The performer spends anywhere from 90-120 minutes doing hair, makeup, and packing up costuming and props. The performer spends an average of 90-120 minutes at the venue, doing sound checks, spacing the stage, getting dressed (usually in a closet or office somewhere), dancing, repacking, and collecting the paycheck. So that 4-minute number you're watching that girl dance cost her an average of $142 and 37 hours worth of unpaid work. For big group numbers, multiply that by about 15. So you're actually getting a LOT more than you're paying for.

Pay varies based on each number, but the most we get per number is $50 for a solo, and anywhere from $10-$30 per group number. So in order for us to recoup the cost of the costuming for a solo usually takes 3-4 times of dancing it just to break even, and group numbers (depending on the amount of girls dancing in it) takes us dancing it 10-15 times to recoup the cost to produce it. The advantages of having 11-15 girls on staff are great: We can put on longer shows with a LOT more variety, and have the capability for big Vegas-style group numbers. But it costs a LOT more money to run a group this size, and we'd hate to ever have to cut back on the amount of performers we hire!!!!

Total cost for costuming for a closing number at Bogart's? $1200. For 4 minutes. For one number. Yup.

G

Pay it forward, Motherfuckers.

Over the years we've raised over $10,000 for varying charities - Caracole House, Stop AIDS Cincinnati, The National ALS Foundation, The Prostate Cancer Foundation, The National MS Society, and Susan G. Komen Foundation.  For 3 years straight we did our annual Baring It for Breast Cancer show and bra auction to raise funds for Susan G. Komen, but after pulling their funding from Planned Parenthood (no matter how short a time or what the reasoning), we decided to turn our efforts elsewhere.  For the past 15 months we've been collecting money during our shows during a 5-minute go-go number to donate to the National MS Society.  This one is near and dear to us, as one of my Cin City Burlesque dancers, Lucky Charms, was diagnosed in 2011.  In just about 15 minutes of go-go dancing total, we've raised around $1000 for MS this year.  We've also been concentrating our efforts for The Prostate Foundation, as my father was diagnosed last year at this time.  If you're looking to put together a fundraiser, please contact us.  If you're coming to a show, dig into those pockets and pull out those checkbooks.  We love you generous folks, and appreciate your support in our fight.

G

G

The secret of my success...

I spoke to a small business owner the other day who was heart-broken that their business wasn't able to support them financially. They then proceeded to tell me that they were taking two days off a week...one of which is their biggest day for business. Ummmm....what? As a business owner, you MUST work 7 days a week for many years. You MUST pay your staff and bills on time. You MUST put in many hours of "unpaid" time to market and organize your business. You MUST determine where your money is best spent. You MUST be a hard-ass when it counts. You MUST lay out clear expectations for both your staff and your clients. You MUST treat your staff like gold, because without them you're nothing. And you MUST deliver what you promise EVERY time.

I think the key to success is hard work. I don't get "set" time off! That's what happens when you open a business...you're constantly on the clock. I have a serious problem with business owners that pass the buck. When something, ANYTHING goes wrong with my business, it's on ME. If my employees fuck up, I take the heat and give them a warning. They do it again...they're gone. But it all comes back to personal responsibility. I have a contract that my employees sign every year in which (amongst MANY other things) it states that they are to check their emails daily. Turns out...they don't. So when I send them an important email, I follow it up with a text letting them know. It is MY responsibility (as it is MY business) to make sure they know what their jobs are, what is expected of them, and give them the tools to succeed. If they screw something up, that is a reflection on ME, MY business, and MY training! I also don't EVER ask them to do things that I won't do. As the owner, it is MY job to do the "un-fun" and "un-glam" stuff, so that they can do their jobs. When my staff shines, I shine. I work my ass off for them, and they work their asses off for me.

There are a lot of "starving artists" out there for a reason. The reason is threefold: 1.) They're not good enough at what they do to earn a living at it, and should instead pursue it as a hobby. 2.) They're talented, but they struggle to market themselves and run a business. 3.) They're unprofessional, and think they can get by with their behavior because they're "an artist". If you are late to gigs, unprepared, don't show up when you say you will, don't deliver what you promise, carry yourself unprofessionally, do it for free for your buddies (with no return on your business), discount your pricing, copy other peoples work, don't run it like a business, don't invest in your craft and business, party with your patrons, THEN YOU WILL NEVER EARN A LIVING AS AN ARTIST!!!! Just because it's a "fun" job, doesn't mean you can treat it like playtime.

G

Group routines...Difficult, but worth it.

Many burlesque troupes are a collective of solo artists.  They travel and dance together, but rarely if ever share the stage with one another.  On occasion you'll see duets or trios, but even that is fairly rare.  Dancing large group numbers with 5-10 women like we do at Cin City Burlesque takes dedication, hard work, and some cahones. When someone screws up choreography in a solo, as long as they keep a poker face and keep moving no one will ever know. When just one person is slightly off time, out of place, or screws up choreography during a group number it stands out like a sore thumb. When just one girl misses rehearsal it throws the rest of the girls off of spacing and formations.  It takes endless hours working together, and lots of cash to put together all the costuming and props.  We have to find the right music, the right concept, the right costuming, the right stage, and the right girls for each and every separate group number.  Choreography is frequently changed based on formations, ability level, stage size, number of women, and to adjust the overall effect.  You have to stand back and let your eyes blur a bit to look at it as an entire piece, versus individual dancers sharing the stage.  If anyone stands out for any reason, we have to adjust it.  You have to develop a "group thought" process.  You start adjusting to each other instinctively.  You're more concerned about how the number looks overall...not how you specifically look.  We depend on each other, trust one another, and push each other. The choreography or costuming may not be the most difficult or intricate as some of the solos, but those are the numbers that the audience remembers.  They are what they come to see.  It is certainly not for everyone, but we love the end result.

G

You betta recognize!

I am not famous.  I am, however, recognizable. It's the hair (thank you, Eros Salon!).  If I wore a wig or a hat I could run in traffic naked and no one would have any clue it's me.  But it is ridiculously adorable when I run into people in public who recognize me.  Some whisper.  Some stare. Some cut a VERY wide path. Some come over and geek out.  But some of the greatest reactions stick with me... "I saw you at City Flea and you were wearing jeans just like a normal person!" "I wasn't sure it was you, but then you turned away from me and I saw your butt." Or maybe the best yet from a rather popular male bartender..."I know you!  You do this!" (shimmies shoulders wildly).  1.) Yes...I wear jeans.  And yes, I'm pretty much a normal person.  I just have a very weird job that requires Swarovski and eyelashes. 2.) I get it...I have a giant ass.  It's as recognizable as the hair.  3.) Yup.  I do do that.

I have mixed feelings about being recognized.  It's fine when I'm out to dinner or having a cocktail...I'm usually prepared for it, especially if I'm downtown or in northern Kentucky.  I'm way LESS prepared when one of my fitness clients asks her hairstylist for a cut like mine, and the stylist knows who I am  just based on THAT alone and "outs" me to the client , and then the client begins coming to shows.  And even worse is when I'm out running errands after teaching a cardio class and people want to come over and hug me.  ICK.  Poor peeps...they'll never see me the same way again.  They'll only picture me as sweaty and stinky and scary.

In general I adore meeting Cin City fans.  But I'm lucky I can even remember my own name...let alone someone else's . I hate disappointing people if I don't immediately recognize them or remember the details of how we met.  Hell...I still can't remember half of my employees names.  Half the time I make out their checks to "Blondie McBlonderson" and "Tits McGee"...so cut me some slack.

G

A word on girlfriends

I love my hubby.  I truly do.  But I can't wrap my brain around women that neglect their relationships with their girlfriends because of their significant others. Women connect with each other in a way that is unlike any other relationship.  You cannot trade one for another.  But it is SO important to nurture these bonds.  I'm not saying to neglect your other relationships for them, but make a conscious effort to build them.

My girlfriends are amazing.  They make me laugh, they challenge me, they support me unconditionally, and they call me out when I need it.  I am certainly a better woman today by surrounding myself with these women.  There is no cattiness, no jealousy, no backstabbing.  If we have a problem, we lay it on the table.  We've fought, we've cried...we've gotten over it.  That's what you do with sisters.  They're right there behind me when I need a push, in front of me when I'm lost, and right beside me when I need a hand to hold.  I'd give a kidney to any one of them.

It happens gradually.  You don't really notice it at first.  Then you're finishing each other's sentences, and buying each other stupid gifts because you know it would make them laugh.  You wear each others clothes and use each other's tupperware to the point that you forget whose is whose. You become so intertwined in each others lives that people start mistaking you for one another in public, even though you look absolutely nothing alike.

I think it can be summed up as such:

Game night.  Boys versus Girls (of course). Charades.  Boys give me the movie "Debbie Does Dallas" hoping for a show, and to try and earn a point (they're getting crushed). I look Sassy in the eyes, tell her to "Sync up", do the "movie" symbol and hold up 3 fingers.  She screams "Debbie Does Dallas!" in under a second, and all the girls fall to the floor in a laughing/crying pile of victory while the boys gape at the amazing display of soul mate success.

G

Backstage Bedlam - What REALLY goes on back stage

I know the picture you have in your brain.  We sit daintily in front of a row of mirrors lined with lights, gaily applying our lipstick in feather-trimmed dressing gowns while sipping on champagne. I really hate to burst your bubble. ...but I'm gonna.

Most of our "dressing rooms" are dirty, freezing cold or 900 degrees, tiny and lacking mirrors of any sort. We change in green rooms, bathrooms, offices and storage closets. The floors are sticky. There's nowhere to put costuming down. There's rarely heat or A/C. And we're all right on top of each other. You have to be SUPER organized, tolerant and flexible. A sense of humor helps tremendously.

We usually have to bring our own full-length mirror for costume checks, and hand-held mirrors to touch up makeup. The lighting is always crappy...you come with your hair and makeup DONE.

We usually walk into a gig wearing comfortable shoes (your feet will be miserable the rest of the night), yoga pants (something loose that won't leave marks) and track jackets (something zip-front so you don't ruin your hair or face changing) with nude "safety g-string" underneath (this goes under your costuming and is taped down right before you hit the stage and right AFTER you've peed).

Once we get our costuming laid out in order and pre-load our pasties with tape,  we stretch and walk through choreography. We put props in order with the stagehands. We mic check and sound check. If it's a venue that's new to us we check out the stage. We take Tylenol. We drink water. We eat bananas. We have one (and ONLY one) cocktail.  Then you dress in your first costume and put your robe over it. Double check the set list. Kiss each other and pump each other up. Then it's off we go.

I wish I could paint pretty pictures for you of glitz and glamour,  feathers and flowers, chandeliers and champagne....but there it is.

G

Some things you may not know about me....

1.) I hate crowds.  They make me violently angry.  I don't know why.

2.) I'm actually an introvert.  Don't mix it with shyness...I'm certainly not shy.  But I definitely need alone time to recharge.

3.) I'm blessed with my maternal grandmother's fingernails, my father's legs and feet, and my mother's thick skin.  I'm also cursed with my maternal grandfather's height, my father's nose, and my mother's temper.  I have no earthly idea where my ass came from.

4.) I've had the mole on the side of my face since I was little.  Unless it becomes cancerous, it will be there until I die.  It's kind of a signature.

5.) My hair is naturally curly. 

6.) I'm a mouth-kisser.  Sometimes it freaks people out. I have to remind myself when I meet someone new not to kiss them.

7.) I HATE working out.  That's the only reason I became a group fitness instructor...it forces me to get my ass to the gym.

8.) I've worn glasses since I was in grade school.  I had contacts for about 3 months and hated them.  I only wear them for distance, and can't stand looking at anything up close with them on.  It gives me a raging headache.

9.) I'm missing a vertebrae. It pisses me off.  I figure if I had it (along with the discs on either side) I'd have an extra 2 inches or so of height.

10.) I was stabbed outside of my apartment when I was 21.  I still have scars from it. They never found the guy that did it.

11.) I drove a stick from the time I was 16 up until 4 years ago.  I still reach for the clutch on occasion.

12.) I absolutely ADORE Italian food.  It's just ridiculous.

13.) When I was 6 years old I was in an accident that drove my 4 front teeth back up into my gums.  They came back down over the next month or so.  In the interim I lived on soup and ice cream, so it wasn't so bad.

14.) I hate long hair.  I have absolutely no patience with it.

15.) My mom is under 5 foot tall and 63 years old. She's one of the baddest bitches I know.

16.) I have a younger brother whom I have nothing in common with.  He's a lovely man.  He thinks I'm crazy.  His daughters think I'm the fun eccentric aunt.  I'm ok with that.

17.) I have a really hard time asking for help. I tend to want to do everything on my own. I figure by the time I explain the way I want something done, I could have done it already.

18.) I'm a REALLY good dance teacher.

19.) The vast majority of my wardrobe is menswear and black. I like color and look fine in it. I just tend to ruin anything of color.  I spill something on it, sit in something, etc.  Not worth it.

20.) I have cyclical insomnia.  I've had it since I was a teenager.  I destroyed my back as a gymnast when I was a kid, and could only get relief if I laid over a stack of pillows.  It gave me pain relief, but made it impossible to sleep.  Up until about 6 years ago I spent 90% of my life with significant back pain.

21.) I still have both my appendix and my tonsils.

22.) I generally hate celebrating my birthday.

23.) I frequently tell the people I love how I feel...You never know when it will be the last time you speak with them.

24.) I love blues music and old standards.  I don't really listen to popular radio.

25.) I like my beer, my chocolate and my wine the same way....the darker the better.

What do you mean, I'm naked?

After so many years of performing,  you get used to walking around in little to no clothing. I've had entire conversations with people wearing nothing but a pair of heels and a smile. The problem with this is that you forget that maybe not everyone feels the same way.  You begin assuming that everyone is comfortable in nothing but their own skin. Every once in a while I'm reminded. .. by the new girl in the troupe who goes into the corner to change,  or the ladies in a workshop who giggle uncontrollably when they are asked to take a shirt off. What I don't understand is how we as a culture have come to this point.  There is nothing pornographic about the human form.  Why is a bikini ok,  but the second you take away
that tiny bit of material,  it suddenly becomes taboo? Why is our first instinct to try and cover ourselves and giggle like school girls?  So I say to you... that tiny slip of material fools no one. We know what's under it,  and sport the same bits. By aggressively trying to cover your pink bits you only draw attention to it. The second we stop feeling shame associated with the nude form is the second we are truly free.

G.

A word on performer etiquette...according to yours truly.

I refuse to ask other performers and venues to "guest" perform in their shows...I just really think it's kind of pushy. I understand that in the burly business it's kind of standard practice, especially since there are mostly solo artists and small troupes out there, but I personally just don't like it.  We get booked because WE'RE asked to perform...either by a venue, or by other performers.  I would NEVER ask to "insert" myself into someone else's show they're putting blood, sweat, tears and money into. That being said...on the rare occasions we DO travel to other cities (we don't usually travel...that's a differnt blog post as to why not!), we ALWAYS ask in-town performers to guest star.  Why on earth wouldn't you?  They know the crowd, and will bring in fans.  We would never go to someone else's home city and just ask a performer, who's usually well-known in that city, to "kitten", or just promote our show.  I have never understood that...it just seems like an intentional "shitting on" of the home-town girls.  Are people intimidated?  Are they worried that people will like the home-town girl more than them?  I've got news for you....They will.  They know her and love her already.  And if you put on a good show, then why ever be worried about being "out-shone"? I've also traveled to perform in charity events, where I've spent my own money on gas, meals, hotels, and I've had numbers "cut" from the show because it was getting too long.  Now mind you, the producer of said show didn't cut a single one of her MANY numbers, but she felt ok cutting her guest performers who donated time and money.  NO.  Anytime we've had guest performers come in town, we've made DAMN sure they dance as much as possible.  We've cut our own numbers to assure it happens. Be pleasant backstage.  Share space.  Compliment each other.  Bring snacks for everyone.  Just don't be a diva.  It's not acceptable to be an asshole to your Sisters in Shimmy.

G

I'm first and foremost a teacher

So many of you may not know that I've been teaching dance to earn a paycheck from the late 90's on.  It's my profession.  My career.  I'm REALLY effin' good at it. I teach amateurs.  I teach professionals.  I teach social dancers.  I teach competitors.  I get off on it.  Besides teaching my ballroom competitors, one of my favorite things to teach is burlesque workshops.  It is SO exciting to see shy women transform to confident divas over a course of just a few weeks.  I love to see the excitement in their eyes when they step on stage, and the flush on their faces when they step off.  It gives me an absolute rush.  Almost as much of a rush as it does seeing my employees perform well, and certainly more of a rush than me actually performing.  So when you see those incredibly brave and amazing workshop women dancing at our shows, get on your damn feet.

G

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