Burlesque Show Etiquette

Many of you reading my posts have been to a burlesque show.  Some of you have not.  For those of you Noobs, lemme take a minute to school you of the do's and don'ts.
1) It is absolutely appropriate to hoot, holler, cat call and yell.  In fact, it is encouraged.  The performer feeds directly off of the audience reaction.  It's hard to keep your energy up on stage when it's crickets in the house.
2) It is never appropriate to touch the performer unsolicited.  There may be times a performer will take your hand, or have you remove a glove for them...but don't take this task upon yourself.  And if you do touch the performer, expect to be expelled forcibly from the venue.
3) Drinking is a good thing...in doses.  No performer appreciates some over-indulgent audience member becoming a jackass.
4) No.  You may not keep that discarded glove that landed in your lap.
5) Tipping the performers vary based on the venue and the performers themselves.  If tipping IS involved at a show, leave the money on the edge of the stage so as not to interrupt the performer during their routine.  Many hours of costuming and choreography went into it...don't ruin it by expecting them to drop what they've been rehearsing just to take a dollar out of your hand.
6) Come with an open mind and a sense of humor.  Expect both to be tested.
7) You will see all walks of life both on stage and off.  Be respectful to both the performers on stage as well as the audience members.
8) No. You will not be getting a lap dance.
9) Show tickets can be expensive.  Frequently props and costumes for just one number can run the girls anywhere from $200-$500...so consider a $25 ticket a bargain.
10) If you heckle the MC, expect to be heckled back.  They are quick and witty and have tongues as sharp as blades.  You will NOT win that exchange.
11) Be open to the possibility that a show will change your views on women, beauty and social issues.

Bottom line - Until you've experienced a good burlesque show, don't assume you know what you're getting into.  Some people leave after two numbers in.  Others leave with their cheeks hurting from smiling and laughter.  And a select few leave with a life-changing experience under their belts.  Which one will you be?

G

Thanks for the medical advice, but....

Soooo....I was a dancer, a gymnast and a diver from the time I was 3 years old.  I loved it.  I was good at it.  By the time I was 13 years old, I had to "sleep" over a stack of pillows to try and get any sort of back pain relief.  The fracture, or pars defect, I had developed from the sports I loved was making me miserable.  I had to stop tumbling and diving...the hyperextension on my spine was just too much.  But I continued dancing...through high school, college, and then beyond.  I became a ballroom professional in 1999 (I know...I'm old) and began teaching full-time to pay my bills.  8-9 hours a day in heels, with tall men standing over top of me in dance position. I tried chiropractors (HUGE mistake on that one - made it worse). I tried physical therapy (Oh? It hurts to hyerextend it?  Let's put you in a cobra position!). I tried massage (Nice...but not helpful long-term). I tried acupuncture (All it did was make me break out in welts). I tried oral steroids (Rage much?). I was even doing epidural steroid injections every 6 months (Only helpful on occasion). In the mean time I can't sleep, I can't sit comfortably, I'm in varying amounts of pain every single day, and in general I'm getting a shooting pain down the back of my leg that's bad enough to make me see stars with every step I take. I have constant pins and needles in my left foot.  I keep tripping over it as I lose strength in it.  I finally found a doctor specializing in decompression therapy.  It's a combination of traction (like being stretched on a rack, but with computers), ultra sound, physical therapy, and bracing.  It's a loooong process that I've gone through twice now.  2 weeks every day, 2 weeks every other day, and 2 weeks every third day.  The first week is pure misery.  The second week isn't much better.  But I've gotten better results from this than all the other "cures" combined.  Every 4-5 years I usually end up having to go back and have another round. We're at about year 6...and ouchy.  In the mean time I go to my PCP and get a shot in the hip of anti-inflammatories and pain killers to get by for a few weeks.  So when you see a little less of me on stage each time...please don't be angry.  I'm doing as much as I'm capable of.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spondylolysis

G

What do you mean, I'm naked?

After so many years of performing,  you get used to walking around in little to no clothing. I've had entire conversations with people wearing nothing but a pair of heels and a smile. The problem with this is that you forget that maybe not everyone feels the same way.  You begin assuming that everyone is comfortable in nothing but their own skin. Every once in a while I'm reminded. .. by the new girl in the troupe who goes into the corner to change,  or the ladies in a workshop who giggle uncontrollably when they are asked to take a shirt off. What I don't understand is how we as a culture have come to this point.  There is nothing pornographic about the human form.  Why is a bikini ok,  but the second you take away
that tiny bit of material,  it suddenly becomes taboo? Why is our first instinct to try and cover ourselves and giggle like school girls?  So I say to you... that tiny slip of material fools no one. We know what's under it,  and sport the same bits. By aggressively trying to cover your pink bits you only draw attention to it. The second we stop feeling shame associated with the nude form is the second we are truly free.

G.

It's hell getting old.

So my day job consists of teaching dance and group fitness.  You would think this would keep me in great shape.  It seems all it does is remind me of what I can no longer do.  Joints are getting creakier, muscles stay sore longer, and I get winded much easier.  I keep thinking I can turn back the clock with diet and exercise, but as a dancer you spend at least 20 years of your life abusing the hell out of your body...and there's just no cure for that.  I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to take better care of myself, but it's not to be.  Young dancers out there - take heed. You will need those knees and that back your entire life.  Don't abuse them.

G