Lessons of 2015

2015 was a great year professionally, and an OK year personally. I was most definitely a year of lessons learned.  Some are new, and some are just reinforced.

1) Time and distance does nothing to lessen the bonds you have with people who you truly love and connect with. But don't take those connections for granted...continue to nurture those bonds by whatever means necessary.

2) A quick text or note in someone's inbox can make their entire day.

3) We all affect more people than we'll ever be aware of.

4) No amount of pleading, reasoning or resources will help someone who refuses to help themselves. Once you realize this, it's time to let go and move on.

5) Separate yourself from people who only take in a relationship, but don't give back. It is not your job to prop them up.

6) The most valuable gift is time.

7) Tell people how you feel while you can. You never know when it will be the last conversation you have with someone.

8) Relationships are fantastic, but never neglect your friendships.

9) Take care of your body. It's the only you get.

10) Put money away. Those shoes you want can wait, but your electric bill can't.

And finally...

11) Work hard. Nothing is owed to you just for walking the earth.

G

Holiday Bullshit

So...I don't celebrate Christmas. People give me a hard time about it.  Those same people don't give me a hard time about not celebrating Easter, which kind of proves my point. I'm not a Christian. Why should I be forced to celebrate a Christian holiday? Because that's what our commercialized society expects me to do? It was intended for Christians to celebrate the birth of Christ, not buy loads of crap for people that will end up having to return it for something they ACTUALLY want. No one is hounding me about why i don't celebrate Hanukkah. Every year I have to justify to everyone why not only I do not want gifts, but why they won't be receiving them either. Stop giving the people you love "things". Give them your time instead.  There's no price tag on that. It will never break or wear out. It will always fit.  I get people close to me who don't understand why I hate this time of year. It's hard for them to understand, because they aren't being made to feel like an asshole for their beliefs. So the next time you run into someone who doesn't get into the "holiday spirit", check your reaction. It's no more your business to "convince" them they need to celebrate than it is theirs to convince you not to.

G

The Production Shuffle

Every quarter I produce a new show, with lots of smaller bookings in between. There is a method to my madness, a controlled chaos if you will.  I usually book the year out with large productions by October of the previous year.  At that time I settle on show themes, and within weeks I've assigned music or themes for both group numbers as well as solos, all the while being mindful of costuming costs, and what numbers can cross over to varying themes.  I then usually begin cutting music, and working out choregraphy for both group numbers and solos.  While working out choreography, I work out what costuming and props will be needed, and the search for said things begins.  I begin marketing...first figuring out what we want the image to look like, then shoot and edit the advertising.  I consign tickets, and start marketing via social media.  I settle on a workshop song, choreograph it, figure out costuming, and begin advertising that as well. I set dates for dress rehearsal, tech rehearsal, and group and solo auditions. All of these things happen 2-3 months before a show.  A month prior, I'm weekly dropping off money to the venue from ticket sales.  I'm checking with my girls every few days to see how many are remaining, and who needs what.  I put the lineup in order, and work out sound and lighting cues, as well as notes for the stagehands.  I put together notes for my MC, and double check that my vendors are in order and have everything they need. I drop off our music, and sound and light cues to the venue. I choreograph and write out curtain call cues.  I check, repair and clean costuming. I put together check lists of costuming for the girls, and put together "Kitten Tags" (notes and a tagging and bagging system for the person who collects our discarded clothes off the floor after each number).  I put together the Shot and a Kiss schedule, and print out signage for my workshop ladies so they don't get lost backstage.  The week of the show, we run dress rehearsal and tech rehearsal.  I turn in any unsold tickets and money to the venue.  I pack my gig bag, going off of a checklist prepared specifically for that show.  I pack up merch, and make sure I have change for those buying merch with cash.  I charge my Notebook for credit cards.  I make sure I have an empty bag to put the Go-Go for charity cash in at the end of the night.  I make sure I have the Shot and a Kiss sign and tip bucket.  I confirm my stage hands, kittens and merch booth attendant.  I make sure all of my paperwork is packed: merch pricing sheet, stagehand directions, kitten tags, and 6 copies of the lineup to tape up in various locations. The day of the show I put on my stage makeup, do my hair, apply my lashes, and pack up the car.  I unload and set up the merch booth.  I set up the Shot and a Kiss table.  I put up Workshop signage and lineups back stage.  I put together the stagehand's clipboard.  I put the kitten tags in order with the bags and set them stage left with a lineup and stapler.  I lay out my costuming and pre-load my pasties.  I put up any reservation signs on seating or tables that are needed.  I have a light meal, a couple of Tylenol, a bottle of water and a bourbon.  I walk through my choreography on stage.  I stretch.  I double check the order of props.  I go change into my meet and great dress and heels, and check in with all of the girls and go over any changes and the Shot and a Kiss schedule.  I go grab the booze and glasses for Shot and a Kiss.  The doors open.  My girls start Shot and a Kiss while I check in with the merch attendant, vendors, the sound and light techs, the stagehands, the kitten and the MC.  I put out the few ticket/seating fires that arise. I do Shot and a Kiss.  I close it, pay out the bar, turn in any unused booze, and pull tips and signage. I dress for my first number, and check in that the girls are close to being ready.  I do one last check with our light and sound guys.  The girls all kiss and hug.  I cue light and sound to start the show.  During the show I continuously cue the performers, which are down a giant flight of stairs, the curtain man, the MC, and the stagehands, speeding up, slowing down, or updating as needed.  We do Go-Go for charity, and count the totals during intermission for the reveal in the second act.  I cue the second act.  We pack used costuming and props as the show progresses, sometimes even packing the cars with props before the show has even ended.  The second the curtain call ends, I finish sorting and packing costuming and props and pack up the car.  I go up and close up and pack up the merch booth.  I try to say hello to as many people as possible while still packing.  I pay out my bar tab that I cover for my merch attendant and stagehands.  I finish packing the car.  I go have several drinks across the street with the crew, while barely moving or speaking.  My pay for the amount of time I am actually on stage is outrageously high.  My teaching rate is way above average.  My pay for non-stage time is nearly nonexistant, which is why I need a clone.  I do this on top of 6-10 classes a week, as well as various other performances and appearances.  I have to be extremely well organized, and extraordinarily dedicated.  I have had many other performers ask recently how it is I keep a troupe running so smoothly.  I have to tell you...it's at the expense of my time and energy.  But it's worth it.

G

You are owed nothing.

There are few things that make me crazier than a sense of entitlement. People that feel they are owed a damn thing just because they walk the earth make me nuts. Some folks have to work harder for it, and some have an easier road in life. But either way, you gotta earn it yourself. Having a degree does not guarantee you a job. And having a job does not guarantee you a career. And having a career does not guarantee you a debt-free stable lifestyle. You have to make smart decisions and put in effort on a daily basis to make your way in life. If we only did things we loved and worked only on days we felt good then nothing would get done. There is no Fairy Godmother following you around making your life exactly how you envisioned it and fixing your fuck-ups. Your life is what YOU make of it.  If you find yourself complaining about your life on a daily basis, you have to see that the common denominator here is YOU. And only YOU can be the one to change it.  Be accountable. Work hard. Eat your broccoli. Quit waiting for someone else to do it for you.

G

Mondays with Harv

So on the first legitimately beautiful spring day of 2015 my friend told me she was diagnosed with an incurable lethal disease.  She sat me down on her front porch on an unseasonably beautiful Monday in March and dropped a bomb in the calmest voice known to man: ALS.  It hit me like a punch to the gut. Fourteen years prior I had lost my closest aunt to this abomination, and everything that lay ahead of her hit me like a ton of bricks. Her body would slowly shut down day by day while her beautiful mind stayed perfectly intact until the end. Chances are she will not see her 40th birthday. She will be dependent on others to care for her the last year of her dramatically shortened life.  She will lose the ability to walk, speak, swallow and eventually breathe, almost as if being slowly crushed by some giant cosmic fist.  Her loved ones will have to stand by and helplessly watch her transformation, with her reassurance that she can handle it.
But here's the thing.  She sees it as an opportunity. A shitty opportunity, but an opportunity none the less.  An opportunity to educate; not only about this disease, but also about squeezing every last drop of joy we can from our days on earth. To love, to play, to chase our dreams. To be kind, be generous, and be brave. All of the things she strives for and stands for she wants for others.  Harv's horrible misfortune will not be her legacy...her extraordinary life will be.

Loving Your Body

As a burlesque performer and producer, I have always geared my shows toward our predominantly female audience.  Please don't misunderstand me here - I enjoy having male audience members just as much as my female ones, but their presence is an afterthought when I'm putting together a production.  Enabling and encouraging women to love their bodies has always been my main focus.  My passion is being able to take any woman of any age, shape or size and make her realize her own beauty. Sometimes it happens when they see a show.  They see women of all shapes and sizes onstage, and recognize that they are all equally lovely.  Sometimes it happens when they take a class.  They learn how to work and highlight every bit and bauble from the top of their heads to the tip of their polished toes.  Some women never learn that burlesque is about empowerment and sisterhood and being able to laugh at yourself and your hangups. They instead assume that it's about sex and competition and men, and it makes them uncomfortable and insecure.  To those women, I have just one thing to say...I am so sorry.  I'm sorry that you don't have other women in your life that build you up instead of tearing you down. I'm sorry that someone along the way has made you believe that your body is something to be ashamed of or embarrassed by.  I wish with every ounce of my being that I could reverse that damage, if even only a little bit.  But that change in your thinking and our body-shaming culture can only begin when you open yourself up.  We only perpetuate this Size 2 climate when we shut ourselves off to new experiences.  "Oh I couldn't possibly take a burlesque class! I'm too fat/old/self conscious." "I would NEVER go to a burlesque show! Why would I want to see a bunch of naked women dancing around? Gross!" It's these kind of statements that break my heart. We've created a society of women who are ashamed, insecure, and afraid.  And why on earth wouldn't we be?  Every photo is altered, and the only standard acceptable is complete and utter perfection.  And who's to say what is perfect?  Perfection is subjective.  The wearer can be the only decider of that.  I'm a strong believer in a woman's right to do with her body as she pleases.  Tattoos, piercings, weight lifting, plastic surgery...whatever floats your boat.  As long as it's medically sound, who's to say you shouldn't do it? But make absolutely sure you're doing it for you, and no one else but you.

There's been a recent outrage in the burlesque community about a New Orleans performer being let go from a standing night club gig of over a year because management thought her body type didn't fit the "expected image" of burlesque.  On social media he cited both Bettie Page (not a burlesque performer), and the movie "Burlesque" (which is so far from actual burlesque it makes me cringe) as being "standards" of expected burlesque performance.   When things such as this happen it makes me furious.  Here is yet another person feeding the insecurities of women.  So I say to all of you lovely women out there that hate your love handles, and despise your flat rear, and moan over your sagging breasts, and complain about your tummy...stop it.  Embrace and love the body that is uniquely yours. Celebrate it. Flaunt it. Let it see the sunlight. Your body is capable of generating not just all sorts of incredibly complex and beautiful movements, but also of creating and sustaining life.  What on earth is there NOT to love?  Go get some beautiful boudoir shots taken. Register for a burlesque workshop. Take a pole class. Encourage it to move, and learn to love the way it can. That is after all what it is meant for.   

G

 

Burlesque dangers...Seriously.

It sounds ridiculous, but here's what happens over the years:

1) You feel naked without lashes on.  It seems impossible that your mug is finished without them.

2) You find crystals, sequins and glitter everywhere.  In your bed, in your lint trap, on your pets...everywhere.

3)  Your lips consistently feel like the Sahara.  Longwear lipstick is great for the stage, but not so good on your skin.

4)  There's a real fear of leaving the house without pants on.  You get so comfortable in your nudity that you get phobic that you'll leave the house half dressed.

5)  Your personal space boundaries become minuscule.  Seriously.  The tiny dressing rooms and nakedness makes for a handsy bunch of folks.

6)  Your pink bits are always tender and sore and covered in adhesive residue.  Sometimes you're pulling that stuff off for days.

7)  You shimmy in inappropriate places.  Grocery stores, coffee shops, restaurants...if the music is calling for it, it's hard to stop yourself.

8)  You cannot shop for anything without thinking about turning it into a routine.  Like, ANYTHING.  "Hm...this vase could possibly fit on my head, no?"

9)  Most of your shoes and clothes are miserably uncomfortable.  I'd like to say you acclimate to it, but no.

10)  Your house (and life) becomes held together entirely by E6000.  We should buy stock in it.

11)  You are constantly covered in mystery bruises.  From props, other girls, and God knows what else.

 Although all of these things are legitimate issues we as burleskers face, it's all worth it in the end.  We think.

G

Dancer breakthroughs...I weep with happiness.

I teach a cardio latin fusion class 3 days a week.  I have for 6 years now.  So I have this woman in my class that's been with me at least 4 of those.  She's a good dancer.  She has great timing and picks up quickly.  She's always asking how she can get more out of our hour together.  I have been telling her over the years that she's too "high off the floor"...that she needs to dance "down into the ground" more.  The other day in class the light bulb finally went on.  She was doing what I had wanted from her for years.  I approached her after class and told her how great of a class she had had.  She responded, "You know, I realized I wanted to dance STRONG and I was dancing...".  In my head the first word that came to my mind was "light".  She fished for the word she wanted for maybe 3 seconds before she finished her sentence with "light".  She had that epiphany that we dance teachers are always searching to draw out of our students.  Just two days after my cardio student had her "Aha" moment, I was working with my burlesque workshop ladies.  We'd been working on the same routine for the previous three weeks.  It was looking fine, but not QUITE right.  About 3/4 of the way through our hour together I said to them, "Dance the entire routine staccato...like a Tango." There was a universal "Ahhhhhh!" from the ladies.  I'd found the right phrase.  The next time through the routine was totally different, and exactly what I'd been looking for. We live for those moments that the light goes on, for those seconds of realization, of comprehension.  We get off on it.  Sometimes as teachers we struggle to find the key that fits that lock.  It's not that we're bad teachers or that they're bad students, it's just that everyone has a slightly different key.  But when we're able to turn that key magic can happen.

G