"Should"

Should.  It's a powerful word.  It can be the cause of responsible adult behavior.  We SHOULD go to work every day.  We SHOULD pay our taxes.  It can also be the cause of guilt.  You SHOULD go see your mother.  You SHOULD have that mole checked out by a doctor.  But it also tends to cause us to live our lives by the expectations set by society.  You SHOULD get married and have children.  You SHOULD wear a size 4.  You SHOULD go to college and have a set career path based on your degree.  I, being Type A, can get on board with the responsible behavior. (Struggling to pay your rent?  Stop going out to a bar every effing night of the week.  Welcome to adulthood.  It can suck here.)  I, being raised Catholic, can get behind a little bit of niggling guilt that resides at the back of the head...it tends to keep us honest.  But what I cannot abide is the third version of "should".  I'm not saying everyone that fits in societies set molds is a sheep...that is certainly not the case.  Some folks that are prototypical "shoulds" are perfectly happy and content because the life they live is what they desire.  But....I look around and see an awful lot of people living their lives according to what they "should" be doing according to our society, and not what they WANT to be doing.  But breaking the mold always causes a mess.  Some people can't handle the fall out and instead, to quote Thoreau, "lead lives of quiet desperation". They can't take the mess, the disarray, and the backlash and instead fall in line.  I challenge you...take stock of your life.  How much is what you "should" be doing, and how much is what you WANT to be doing?

In the words of Carrie Bradshaw - "Why are we 'shoulding' all over ourselves?"

G

Selfies...?

Ok.  I get taking a selfie every once in a blue moon....Your hair looks exceptionally awesome, you love your new outfit, the place you're at is amazing, etc.  Ok.  I can certainly live with that.  But taking 3-4 pictures of yourself (Well...POSTING 3-4 pictures of yourself.  I have to assume you took WAY more than that and just posted the "good" ones.) DAILY?  "Here I am in my bathroom!"  "Here I am in my car!" "Here I am at the grocery store!"  "Here I am in bed!"  SERIOUSLY?  I just don't get it.  Are you that self-absorbed that you think everyone wants to know what you're doing every 4 hours?  Or are you that insecure and you're hoping people will comment on how great you look?  Which is it?  I just can't think of any other reason other than those two.  I'm not saying there isn't one...but I sure as shit can't think of it.  And I'm guessing that if you have another reason for it...it's still one of the two reasons I gave is the underlying issue.   But I think this goes back once again to the culture we're creating.  We are so far beyond self-absorbed that it's getting ridiculous.  We are in a "see and be seen" decade.  Why must we always make it about US?  For example...Some of my troupe and I were at a fundraiser recently for an individual that is winning an award BECAUSE of the fundraising they do for the local community. During the event, the Emcee recognized us and wanted to call us up on stage to introduce us.  Instead, we demurred.  We were NOT there to be recognized or to self-promote.  We were there to support an OUTSTANDING member of the community whom we adore.  It wasn't about us.  But I feel that's lost on most people.  It seems anymore that we won't go somewhere or do something unless we're going to be recognized in some way for it.  Listen, selfie-overload folks...We ALL do pretty much the same shit from day to day.  Some of us get to do more unusal stuff from day to day, and some don't.  But in general, no one cares about your selfies.  They're all too busy posing in front of their own cameras to care about what you're posting.

G

Lessons on Listening

I spent some time recently with a person that reminded me of a serious societal issue that seems to be becoming more and more prevalent: We no longer know how to listen. This person was cutting me off left and right, and talking about things that had nothing to do with the content of the conversation.  It seems while I spoke they weren't listening to a word I said because they were too busy putting together their next sentence....and clearly had to express themselves before I stopped speaking. Those who know me know I'm a bit of an interviewer as a result of selling and teaching dance lessons for years. When you are trying to assemble a program for your student you need to find out what your clients thoughts, feelings, motives and goals are. You can only accomplish this by asking questions,  LISTENING to what they do AND do not say, then asking more questions based on their response. I tend to take this same approach when I hold conversations with people.  It allows me to ACTUALLY get to know a person,  and they appreciate that I'm actually interested in what they're saying. I'm listening to them...I'm not in my own head thinking of some clever line to spit out.  People love talking about themselves.  They always have.  But with this egocentric "selfie" absorbed world we're living in these days, it seems to be getting exceptionally worse. It seems,  with few exceptions,  that I can't sit down with someone and have a two-way conversation.  It's them talking,  and me actively listening and "funneling" the conversation.  The second we finish a topic,  they are immediately on their phone,  or looking to see who else they know in the room. It makes me absolutely nuts. When I intend to spend time with someone,  I put the Goddamn phone away. That person has my focus.  I'm not looking around trying to see who else is walking into the room.  Jesus himself could walk in. Unless he's standing over the shoulder of the person I'm speaking with I'm not going to see him. As a result of this becoming the social norm, very few people will actually ever get to know me. I'm not much of a talker to begin with...You add in this type of behavior and I immediately clam up.  It's not worth wasting my breath...they're not paying attention to what I'm saying anyway.  To those of you who are guilty of this - I challenge you. Put the phone away.  Ask questions. Let them finish their sentences.  LISTEN ACTIVELY.  Ask more questions. Look them in the eye. You know how great you feel when someone is genuinely interested in what you're saying?  The person on the other end of your conversation likes that as well. People don't remember you for what you do...they remember you for how you made them feel.

G

Hammerheads

When we first founded CCB in 2009, we were a team of 8 trained professional dancers...5 women and 3 men. The men (The Hammerheads) were the significant others of three of the other troupe members and were all three professional ballroom dancers. Sassy and I choreographed their first number to Sixteen Tons, and outfitted them in coveralls,  hard hats with tap lights on the front,  and pretty substantial prop sledgehammers tailored to their hight. The first rehearsal was nothing short of comedic genius (Why do we not record this shit?). The boys struggled to learn our choreography for some reason.  Then we added props and costuming to deal with and it was full-on chaos. No one got frustrated or lost their sense of humor,  but it certainly did not go as smoothly as we expected.  But two months later when the boys stepped on stage for our first gig in front of a packed house it was beyond deafening.  People fell in love immediately.  For the next show we added a fourth male dancer...a talented student of one of the Hammerheads who was an incredibly animated performer. This time they did their own choreography.  Once again they had people on their feet. Over several shows, we brought in 3 other male dancers as well.  Alas, two of the guys bought dance studios, and trying to wrangle schedules for rehearsal times became too much of a challenge.  They didn't officially "disband" per se, but real life got in the way. The boys still come to shows and consistently talk of getting something together....we can only hope they'll join us back onstage at some point.  They are certainly missed.

G