Bring on the crazy emails

An article on City City Burlesque in one of The Queen City's most popular rags comes out today.  We're the cover story, hence a cover picture.  People are going to see a pile of naked laughing women of varying ages, shapes and sizes and have some sort of gut reaction. 1) They'll immediately look away because it will make them uncomfortable.  We've ingrained it into our brains that the human form is somehow dirty or pornographic. 2) They'll be outraged.  These will be either: a) "femenists" who think we're exploiting ourselves (and they clearly didn't read the article), or b) super-conservative Jesus-freaks who think we're going straight to hell.  3) They'll snicker and sneer because they're : a) a woman who feels threatened by other women (no, we have no interest in your man),  b) men who think we're trying to turn them on (we're not - read the damn article), or c) convinced that women should look a certain way and we don't fit that mold. 4) They'll be shocked.  But the picture will intrigue them enough to pick up the magazine and actually read the article so they know what they'er looking at. Or....5) They'll get it immediately...because they've been to a show.  Either way, I expect to be fielding emails over the next week....everything from praise to hatred.  Most I will  respond to.  I'm not going to argue with people who write hate mail...I'm clearly not going to change their minds.  I just hope they have the good sense to read the article before they hit "Send", and are not just having a gut reaction to a photo.  Either way, we've gotten what we want to say out there, and for that we'll be ever grateful to Jac Kern, Jesse Fox, and CityBeat.

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You get what you pay for.

Someone said to us the other day, "You get what you pay for." That's true...and it's not. Some people think $85 for one girl to dance one 4-minute routine is outrageous. What you don't see: That costume cost her $85-$200 and 8-10 hours stoning, fringing, and altering it. That number was rehearsed 20-30 hours (of unpaid time, mind you) before it ever hit the stage. The performer spends anywhere from 90-120 minutes doing hair, makeup, and packing up costuming and props. The performer spends an average of 90-120 minutes at the venue, doing sound checks, spacing the stage, getting dressed (usually in a closet or office somewhere), dancing, repacking, and collecting the paycheck. So that 4-minute number you're watching that girl dance cost her an average of $142 and 37 hours worth of unpaid work. For big group numbers, multiply that by about 15. So you're actually getting a LOT more than you're paying for.

Pay varies based on each number, but the most we get per number is $50 for a solo, and anywhere from $10-$30 per group number. So in order for us to recoup the cost of the costuming for a solo usually takes 3-4 times of dancing it just to break even, and group numbers (depending on the amount of girls dancing in it) takes us dancing it 10-15 times to recoup the cost to produce it. The advantages of having 11-15 girls on staff are great: We can put on longer shows with a LOT more variety, and have the capability for big Vegas-style group numbers. But it costs a LOT more money to run a group this size, and we'd hate to ever have to cut back on the amount of performers we hire!!!!

Total cost for costuming for a closing number at Bogart's? $1200. For 4 minutes. For one number. Yup.

G

Pay it forward, Motherfuckers.

Over the years we've raised over $10,000 for varying charities - Caracole House, Stop AIDS Cincinnati, The National ALS Foundation, The Prostate Cancer Foundation, The National MS Society, and Susan G. Komen Foundation.  For 3 years straight we did our annual Baring It for Breast Cancer show and bra auction to raise funds for Susan G. Komen, but after pulling their funding from Planned Parenthood (no matter how short a time or what the reasoning), we decided to turn our efforts elsewhere.  For the past 15 months we've been collecting money during our shows during a 5-minute go-go number to donate to the National MS Society.  This one is near and dear to us, as one of my Cin City Burlesque dancers, Lucky Charms, was diagnosed in 2011.  In just about 15 minutes of go-go dancing total, we've raised around $1000 for MS this year.  We've also been concentrating our efforts for The Prostate Foundation, as my father was diagnosed last year at this time.  If you're looking to put together a fundraiser, please contact us.  If you're coming to a show, dig into those pockets and pull out those checkbooks.  We love you generous folks, and appreciate your support in our fight.

G

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The secret of my success...

I spoke to a small business owner the other day who was heart-broken that their business wasn't able to support them financially. They then proceeded to tell me that they were taking two days off a week...one of which is their biggest day for business. Ummmm....what? As a business owner, you MUST work 7 days a week for many years. You MUST pay your staff and bills on time. You MUST put in many hours of "unpaid" time to market and organize your business. You MUST determine where your money is best spent. You MUST be a hard-ass when it counts. You MUST lay out clear expectations for both your staff and your clients. You MUST treat your staff like gold, because without them you're nothing. And you MUST deliver what you promise EVERY time.

I think the key to success is hard work. I don't get "set" time off! That's what happens when you open a business...you're constantly on the clock. I have a serious problem with business owners that pass the buck. When something, ANYTHING goes wrong with my business, it's on ME. If my employees fuck up, I take the heat and give them a warning. They do it again...they're gone. But it all comes back to personal responsibility. I have a contract that my employees sign every year in which (amongst MANY other things) it states that they are to check their emails daily. Turns out...they don't. So when I send them an important email, I follow it up with a text letting them know. It is MY responsibility (as it is MY business) to make sure they know what their jobs are, what is expected of them, and give them the tools to succeed. If they screw something up, that is a reflection on ME, MY business, and MY training! I also don't EVER ask them to do things that I won't do. As the owner, it is MY job to do the "un-fun" and "un-glam" stuff, so that they can do their jobs. When my staff shines, I shine. I work my ass off for them, and they work their asses off for me.

There are a lot of "starving artists" out there for a reason. The reason is threefold: 1.) They're not good enough at what they do to earn a living at it, and should instead pursue it as a hobby. 2.) They're talented, but they struggle to market themselves and run a business. 3.) They're unprofessional, and think they can get by with their behavior because they're "an artist". If you are late to gigs, unprepared, don't show up when you say you will, don't deliver what you promise, carry yourself unprofessionally, do it for free for your buddies (with no return on your business), discount your pricing, copy other peoples work, don't run it like a business, don't invest in your craft and business, party with your patrons, THEN YOU WILL NEVER EARN A LIVING AS AN ARTIST!!!! Just because it's a "fun" job, doesn't mean you can treat it like playtime.

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Group routines...Difficult, but worth it.

Many burlesque troupes are a collective of solo artists.  They travel and dance together, but rarely if ever share the stage with one another.  On occasion you'll see duets or trios, but even that is fairly rare.  Dancing large group numbers with 5-10 women like we do at Cin City Burlesque takes dedication, hard work, and some cahones. When someone screws up choreography in a solo, as long as they keep a poker face and keep moving no one will ever know. When just one person is slightly off time, out of place, or screws up choreography during a group number it stands out like a sore thumb. When just one girl misses rehearsal it throws the rest of the girls off of spacing and formations.  It takes endless hours working together, and lots of cash to put together all the costuming and props.  We have to find the right music, the right concept, the right costuming, the right stage, and the right girls for each and every separate group number.  Choreography is frequently changed based on formations, ability level, stage size, number of women, and to adjust the overall effect.  You have to stand back and let your eyes blur a bit to look at it as an entire piece, versus individual dancers sharing the stage.  If anyone stands out for any reason, we have to adjust it.  You have to develop a "group thought" process.  You start adjusting to each other instinctively.  You're more concerned about how the number looks overall...not how you specifically look.  We depend on each other, trust one another, and push each other. The choreography or costuming may not be the most difficult or intricate as some of the solos, but those are the numbers that the audience remembers.  They are what they come to see.  It is certainly not for everyone, but we love the end result.

G

You betta recognize!

I am not famous.  I am, however, recognizable. It's the hair (thank you, Eros Salon!).  If I wore a wig or a hat I could run in traffic naked and no one would have any clue it's me.  But it is ridiculously adorable when I run into people in public who recognize me.  Some whisper.  Some stare. Some cut a VERY wide path. Some come over and geek out.  But some of the greatest reactions stick with me... "I saw you at City Flea and you were wearing jeans just like a normal person!" "I wasn't sure it was you, but then you turned away from me and I saw your butt." Or maybe the best yet from a rather popular male bartender..."I know you!  You do this!" (shimmies shoulders wildly).  1.) Yes...I wear jeans.  And yes, I'm pretty much a normal person.  I just have a very weird job that requires Swarovski and eyelashes. 2.) I get it...I have a giant ass.  It's as recognizable as the hair.  3.) Yup.  I do do that.

I have mixed feelings about being recognized.  It's fine when I'm out to dinner or having a cocktail...I'm usually prepared for it, especially if I'm downtown or in northern Kentucky.  I'm way LESS prepared when one of my fitness clients asks her hairstylist for a cut like mine, and the stylist knows who I am  just based on THAT alone and "outs" me to the client , and then the client begins coming to shows.  And even worse is when I'm out running errands after teaching a cardio class and people want to come over and hug me.  ICK.  Poor peeps...they'll never see me the same way again.  They'll only picture me as sweaty and stinky and scary.

In general I adore meeting Cin City fans.  But I'm lucky I can even remember my own name...let alone someone else's . I hate disappointing people if I don't immediately recognize them or remember the details of how we met.  Hell...I still can't remember half of my employees names.  Half the time I make out their checks to "Blondie McBlonderson" and "Tits McGee"...so cut me some slack.

G

A word on girlfriends

I love my hubby.  I truly do.  But I can't wrap my brain around women that neglect their relationships with their girlfriends because of their significant others. Women connect with each other in a way that is unlike any other relationship.  You cannot trade one for another.  But it is SO important to nurture these bonds.  I'm not saying to neglect your other relationships for them, but make a conscious effort to build them.

My girlfriends are amazing.  They make me laugh, they challenge me, they support me unconditionally, and they call me out when I need it.  I am certainly a better woman today by surrounding myself with these women.  There is no cattiness, no jealousy, no backstabbing.  If we have a problem, we lay it on the table.  We've fought, we've cried...we've gotten over it.  That's what you do with sisters.  They're right there behind me when I need a push, in front of me when I'm lost, and right beside me when I need a hand to hold.  I'd give a kidney to any one of them.

It happens gradually.  You don't really notice it at first.  Then you're finishing each other's sentences, and buying each other stupid gifts because you know it would make them laugh.  You wear each others clothes and use each other's tupperware to the point that you forget whose is whose. You become so intertwined in each others lives that people start mistaking you for one another in public, even though you look absolutely nothing alike.

I think it can be summed up as such:

Game night.  Boys versus Girls (of course). Charades.  Boys give me the movie "Debbie Does Dallas" hoping for a show, and to try and earn a point (they're getting crushed). I look Sassy in the eyes, tell her to "Sync up", do the "movie" symbol and hold up 3 fingers.  She screams "Debbie Does Dallas!" in under a second, and all the girls fall to the floor in a laughing/crying pile of victory while the boys gape at the amazing display of soul mate success.

G

Backstage Bedlam - What REALLY goes on back stage

I know the picture you have in your brain.  We sit daintily in front of a row of mirrors lined with lights, gaily applying our lipstick in feather-trimmed dressing gowns while sipping on champagne. I really hate to burst your bubble. ...but I'm gonna.

Most of our "dressing rooms" are dirty, freezing cold or 900 degrees, tiny and lacking mirrors of any sort. We change in green rooms, bathrooms, offices and storage closets. The floors are sticky. There's nowhere to put costuming down. There's rarely heat or A/C. And we're all right on top of each other. You have to be SUPER organized, tolerant and flexible. A sense of humor helps tremendously.

We usually have to bring our own full-length mirror for costume checks, and hand-held mirrors to touch up makeup. The lighting is always crappy...you come with your hair and makeup DONE.

We usually walk into a gig wearing comfortable shoes (your feet will be miserable the rest of the night), yoga pants (something loose that won't leave marks) and track jackets (something zip-front so you don't ruin your hair or face changing) with nude "safety g-string" underneath (this goes under your costuming and is taped down right before you hit the stage and right AFTER you've peed).

Once we get our costuming laid out in order and pre-load our pasties with tape,  we stretch and walk through choreography. We put props in order with the stagehands. We mic check and sound check. If it's a venue that's new to us we check out the stage. We take Tylenol. We drink water. We eat bananas. We have one (and ONLY one) cocktail.  Then you dress in your first costume and put your robe over it. Double check the set list. Kiss each other and pump each other up. Then it's off we go.

I wish I could paint pretty pictures for you of glitz and glamour,  feathers and flowers, chandeliers and champagne....but there it is.

G

What do you call a stripper who spends all of her earnings on costumes? A burlesque dancer.

So I posted on my Facebook page that the difference between a stripper and a burlesque performer is enormous, but that would entirely depend on the performer.  It seems in the last year or so the lines have blurred SO much that it's becoming homogenized. In the past, "strippers" take tips, and burly girls don't.  But in the last few years, allowing the audience to tip you seems to becoming more of a norm (Cin City doesn't take tips, in case you're wondering). Until recently, the raunchier movements were left to the girls working the midnight shift on the pole...but alas, even that seems to be making its way into the burly world.  It's not terribly unusual anymore to see splays directly toward the audience, or for a performer to simulate a sex act on stage (none for us, thanks!).  Until VERY recently, I would say that burlesque dancers tended to perform more for a female audience, and leave the men to the tip rails at the strip club.  But again, this seems to be changing.  It seems that some of the wit, intelligence, and "thoughtfulness" tend to be waning.  What I can still put my finger on that speaks directly and distinctly to burlesque is this:  The performers are more varied in shape, size and age, and they are generally making way less money (costuming and props are EXPENSIVE).  Other than that, their becoming enmeshed. Don't get me wrong - I find nothing wrong with "strippers" in the least.  But the once distinct gap between the two is narrowing.

G

Let me tell you why 2012 sucked a dick...

2013 has been a wonderful year.  Cin City Burlesque has been booked like crazy, and we've had some wonderful new opportunities and met some wonderful people.  But after 2012, let me tell you why we deserve such good fortune...

The year started well.  Hubby and I went and spent two weeks in Bora Bora (which I HIGHLY recommend), the girls' bookings went well while I was gone, and the dogs behaved for the sitter.  But right after we returned, we lost a Hammerhead (one of our boylesque performers and hubby's closest friend) suddenly in a car wreck.  He was cut off on the highway.  They never found the person who did it.  Just as our little family was recovering from the loss my soul sister and CCB co-founder, Sassy Frass, suffered a brain aneurysm.  She underwent 2 surgeries, and spent more than a month in the ICU.  It was a long, slow , painful recovery, but recover she did.  No sooner had we gotten her to the point that she was driving herself to work again than my father was in the ICU with his very own crash cart next to his bed.  A prostate biopsy caused an infection that quickly became septic.  After 3 days of trying to stabilize him, he was given the cancer diagnosis.  He spent Christmas in the hospital, and got out just in time for New Years.

So our annual New Years celebration accomplished several things:
1.)  We celebrated Chris' lust for life, and cried over our loss of him.
2.)  We all hugged Sassy and dad a little tighter.
3.)  We all made clear how much we loved and cherished each other.
4.)  We sent out 2012 with a resounding "Fuck You!"

Lessons we learned?  Tell people you love them.  Don't hold grudges.  And time is the most precious gift you can give one another.

G

Some things you may not know about me....

1.) I hate crowds.  They make me violently angry.  I don't know why.

2.) I'm actually an introvert.  Don't mix it with shyness...I'm certainly not shy.  But I definitely need alone time to recharge.

3.) I'm blessed with my maternal grandmother's fingernails, my father's legs and feet, and my mother's thick skin.  I'm also cursed with my maternal grandfather's height, my father's nose, and my mother's temper.  I have no earthly idea where my ass came from.

4.) I've had the mole on the side of my face since I was little.  Unless it becomes cancerous, it will be there until I die.  It's kind of a signature.

5.) My hair is naturally curly. 

6.) I'm a mouth-kisser.  Sometimes it freaks people out. I have to remind myself when I meet someone new not to kiss them.

7.) I HATE working out.  That's the only reason I became a group fitness instructor...it forces me to get my ass to the gym.

8.) I've worn glasses since I was in grade school.  I had contacts for about 3 months and hated them.  I only wear them for distance, and can't stand looking at anything up close with them on.  It gives me a raging headache.

9.) I'm missing a vertebrae. It pisses me off.  I figure if I had it (along with the discs on either side) I'd have an extra 2 inches or so of height.

10.) I was stabbed outside of my apartment when I was 21.  I still have scars from it. They never found the guy that did it.

11.) I drove a stick from the time I was 16 up until 4 years ago.  I still reach for the clutch on occasion.

12.) I absolutely ADORE Italian food.  It's just ridiculous.

13.) When I was 6 years old I was in an accident that drove my 4 front teeth back up into my gums.  They came back down over the next month or so.  In the interim I lived on soup and ice cream, so it wasn't so bad.

14.) I hate long hair.  I have absolutely no patience with it.

15.) My mom is under 5 foot tall and 63 years old. She's one of the baddest bitches I know.

16.) I have a younger brother whom I have nothing in common with.  He's a lovely man.  He thinks I'm crazy.  His daughters think I'm the fun eccentric aunt.  I'm ok with that.

17.) I have a really hard time asking for help. I tend to want to do everything on my own. I figure by the time I explain the way I want something done, I could have done it already.

18.) I'm a REALLY good dance teacher.

19.) The vast majority of my wardrobe is menswear and black. I like color and look fine in it. I just tend to ruin anything of color.  I spill something on it, sit in something, etc.  Not worth it.

20.) I have cyclical insomnia.  I've had it since I was a teenager.  I destroyed my back as a gymnast when I was a kid, and could only get relief if I laid over a stack of pillows.  It gave me pain relief, but made it impossible to sleep.  Up until about 6 years ago I spent 90% of my life with significant back pain.

21.) I still have both my appendix and my tonsils.

22.) I generally hate celebrating my birthday.

23.) I frequently tell the people I love how I feel...You never know when it will be the last time you speak with them.

24.) I love blues music and old standards.  I don't really listen to popular radio.

25.) I like my beer, my chocolate and my wine the same way....the darker the better.

What do you mean, I'm naked?

After so many years of performing,  you get used to walking around in little to no clothing. I've had entire conversations with people wearing nothing but a pair of heels and a smile. The problem with this is that you forget that maybe not everyone feels the same way.  You begin assuming that everyone is comfortable in nothing but their own skin. Every once in a while I'm reminded. .. by the new girl in the troupe who goes into the corner to change,  or the ladies in a workshop who giggle uncontrollably when they are asked to take a shirt off. What I don't understand is how we as a culture have come to this point.  There is nothing pornographic about the human form.  Why is a bikini ok,  but the second you take away
that tiny bit of material,  it suddenly becomes taboo? Why is our first instinct to try and cover ourselves and giggle like school girls?  So I say to you... that tiny slip of material fools no one. We know what's under it,  and sport the same bits. By aggressively trying to cover your pink bits you only draw attention to it. The second we stop feeling shame associated with the nude form is the second we are truly free.

G.

A word on performer etiquette...according to yours truly.

I refuse to ask other performers and venues to "guest" perform in their shows...I just really think it's kind of pushy. I understand that in the burly business it's kind of standard practice, especially since there are mostly solo artists and small troupes out there, but I personally just don't like it.  We get booked because WE'RE asked to perform...either by a venue, or by other performers.  I would NEVER ask to "insert" myself into someone else's show they're putting blood, sweat, tears and money into. That being said...on the rare occasions we DO travel to other cities (we don't usually travel...that's a differnt blog post as to why not!), we ALWAYS ask in-town performers to guest star.  Why on earth wouldn't you?  They know the crowd, and will bring in fans.  We would never go to someone else's home city and just ask a performer, who's usually well-known in that city, to "kitten", or just promote our show.  I have never understood that...it just seems like an intentional "shitting on" of the home-town girls.  Are people intimidated?  Are they worried that people will like the home-town girl more than them?  I've got news for you....They will.  They know her and love her already.  And if you put on a good show, then why ever be worried about being "out-shone"? I've also traveled to perform in charity events, where I've spent my own money on gas, meals, hotels, and I've had numbers "cut" from the show because it was getting too long.  Now mind you, the producer of said show didn't cut a single one of her MANY numbers, but she felt ok cutting her guest performers who donated time and money.  NO.  Anytime we've had guest performers come in town, we've made DAMN sure they dance as much as possible.  We've cut our own numbers to assure it happens. Be pleasant backstage.  Share space.  Compliment each other.  Bring snacks for everyone.  Just don't be a diva.  It's not acceptable to be an asshole to your Sisters in Shimmy.

G

I'm first and foremost a teacher

So many of you may not know that I've been teaching dance to earn a paycheck from the late 90's on.  It's my profession.  My career.  I'm REALLY effin' good at it. I teach amateurs.  I teach professionals.  I teach social dancers.  I teach competitors.  I get off on it.  Besides teaching my ballroom competitors, one of my favorite things to teach is burlesque workshops.  It is SO exciting to see shy women transform to confident divas over a course of just a few weeks.  I love to see the excitement in their eyes when they step on stage, and the flush on their faces when they step off.  It gives me an absolute rush.  Almost as much of a rush as it does seeing my employees perform well, and certainly more of a rush than me actually performing.  So when you see those incredibly brave and amazing workshop women dancing at our shows, get on your damn feet.

G

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"Certain age" makeup...

Soooo...I'm ageing just like the rest of you.   40 will be upon me shortly.  It blows.  There are many things that suck about it.  I can tell you that the older I've gotten the more crap I put on my face before hitting the stage or stepping in front of a camera. Here's what I've discovered:
Moisturize. Always. With an added SPF.  Invest in a REALLY good primer.  It smooths out pores and lines and helps set your foundation. Also invest in a high quality concealer. I happen to love Makeup Forever...it's $30 a tube, but covers anything, stays put, and lasts for years.  Use softer colors.  It speaks to youth.  And an eyelash curler and mascara will solve just about anything.

I'll get more specific with makeup in later posts.

G

Take It on the Chin - Adventures in Snarky Audience Members

I originally wrote this in June of 2013 after a small night club show consisting solely of solos...but I thought I'd share it again. 

Sooooo....we had SUCH an amazing audience last night!  I got to meet SOOOO many awesome women last night (and even a few good guys too). We had a TON of new audience members that were SO lovely and friendly and incredibly sweet. We had an AMAZING group of ladies out celebrating a birthday who insisted on buying us drinks. We met two LOVELY girls from Nashville who raved about how this had been their favorite part of their trip.  I've said it time and time again...our female audience members are the ones we play to.  All I ever want from a show is that a woman looks at herself, and other women, in a new light.  I hope that when she leaves, she loves herself and her body a little bit more.

But apparently there was a detractor in the audience who rolled her eyes, made nasty little comments, and was trying desperately to draw other audience members into her little hate spiral.  Little did she know, at the table she kept trying to draw in sat one of my kick-ass female stage hands (a.k.a. Ninjas or Bitch Monkeys), the guy that runs my merch booth, and my husband.  As told to me via these three very trusted peeps, she would continuously turn to them, roll her eyes, and say, "This is the WORST burlesque show I've ever seen." They, being class acts, would just smile back at her.  After my second solo, which includes a high fan kick, side tango lunges to the floor, a double spiral turn and a stag leap (all in 4-inch heels), my husband felt the need to respond to said woman: "Lady if you can do any of that I'll give you my house."  To which she responded, "Oh. Well....I don't dance."

When the girls and I came out into the audience after the show, my hubby and comrades were FUMING mad.  In fact, he continues bringing it up this morning. My girls and I, however, just shrugged.  "Eh. We're not for everyone."  We know, after doing this for years, that 1) Not everyone is going to get it. 2) Not everyone is going to like it. 3) Some people are just easily offended. 4) People think we are trying to turn on their significant other and get jealous and possessive.  (Trust me, we're not.) 5) A lot of times people project their own insecurities on you.  6) A lot of women don't like to see other women succeed.  We didn't get upset, we didn't confront the woman in any way (who, weirdly enough, came into the show quite intentionally, and stayed until 2:00 a.m.), and we didn't try to make her feel uncomfortable.  She has her own hangups...there's no reason to add to it.

The following quote is from my Ignite Cincinnati speech earlier this month:

"You have to be able to take it on the chin. You're putting both your art AND your body out there. You're going to have critics at every single show. Some of them won't get it. Some of them will not like it. And some of them will have insecurities that they'll project onto you. People can be snarky, cruel and just downright mean. You have to realize you're not everyone's cup of tea, and don't take it personally."

I think it's a good lesson to learn in life.  Frequently when people are nasty it has nothing to do with you. Usually it's about them.  Think about that before you react to it.  They're already having a bad day...try not to add to it by allowing them to bait you into a confrontation.

G