Lessons on Listening

I spent some time recently with a person that reminded me of a serious societal issue that seems to be becoming more and more prevalent: We no longer know how to listen. This person was cutting me off left and right, and talking about things that had nothing to do with the content of the conversation.  It seems while I spoke they weren't listening to a word I said because they were too busy putting together their next sentence....and clearly had to express themselves before I stopped speaking. Those who know me know I'm a bit of an interviewer as a result of selling and teaching dance lessons for years. When you are trying to assemble a program for your student you need to find out what your clients thoughts, feelings, motives and goals are. You can only accomplish this by asking questions,  LISTENING to what they do AND do not say, then asking more questions based on their response. I tend to take this same approach when I hold conversations with people.  It allows me to ACTUALLY get to know a person,  and they appreciate that I'm actually interested in what they're saying. I'm listening to them...I'm not in my own head thinking of some clever line to spit out.  People love talking about themselves.  They always have.  But with this egocentric "selfie" absorbed world we're living in these days, it seems to be getting exceptionally worse. It seems,  with few exceptions,  that I can't sit down with someone and have a two-way conversation.  It's them talking,  and me actively listening and "funneling" the conversation.  The second we finish a topic,  they are immediately on their phone,  or looking to see who else they know in the room. It makes me absolutely nuts. When I intend to spend time with someone,  I put the Goddamn phone away. That person has my focus.  I'm not looking around trying to see who else is walking into the room.  Jesus himself could walk in. Unless he's standing over the shoulder of the person I'm speaking with I'm not going to see him. As a result of this becoming the social norm, very few people will actually ever get to know me. I'm not much of a talker to begin with...You add in this type of behavior and I immediately clam up.  It's not worth wasting my breath...they're not paying attention to what I'm saying anyway.  To those of you who are guilty of this - I challenge you. Put the phone away.  Ask questions. Let them finish their sentences.  LISTEN ACTIVELY.  Ask more questions. Look them in the eye. You know how great you feel when someone is genuinely interested in what you're saying?  The person on the other end of your conversation likes that as well. People don't remember you for what you do...they remember you for how you made them feel.

G